Get out of Debt! And stay out!

Contrary to popular belief, debt does not have to be the norm. Not EVERYONE is in the hole. I'm certainly not, and you don't have to be either. When I got married almost four years ago, my husband and I owed roughly $50,000 on credit, a truck, and student loans. With discipline and a budget, we were debt-free in less than two years, and with low-paying jobs, I might add. I'm going to give you some tips on how to get out of debt. If you're serious about it, you can crush your debt much sooner than you realize. And you'll feel a wonderful relief.

1. STOP SPENDING MONEY!

You most likely don't NEED a new wardrobe every month, just like you don't NEED to go out to dinner every other night just to keep up with appearances. Put off buying your dream car until you are out of debt. There's no sense in piling more on top; that's just stressful. For some, saying "no" is the hardest thing to do. Some people convince themselves that money can buy happiness. Had a bad day? Go shopping, treat yourself to a drink, think of that one purchase that will reduce your problems. But it won't. I have people tell me that they are frugal with their money, but then they spend hundreds of dollars each month on things they don't really need. Does this sound like you? If so, and if you're already in debt and thinking you'll never get out, here's what I recommend: Look at your credit card activity, and figure out where most of your money (besides bills) is going. Then, set a realistic goal for yourself. Instead of eating out multiple times a week, reduce it to just once a week, for starters. Make your own food. If you don't have time during the week, make it all on the weekend and portion it out for the next week's meals. Freeze left-overs.

2. BUDGET!

You don't have to live pay check to pay check, and you don't have to let your finances control you. You control your finances. Give a name to every dollar, as Dave Ramsey would say (P.S. I've provided a link at the bottom for Dave Ramsey's website). When you budget, prioritize your bills from most important to the least. After you have determined your monthly income and your most important bills, dedicate some of the left-overs, if there are any, to paying off debt. As you look at your budget, on which items could you reduce your spending or give up altogether? Netflix? Internet? (I know, I know; it's the 21st century, but there are plenty of fast food restaurants and coffee shops that provide free wifi.)

3. Don't tempt yourself.

If you know you'll want to buy something every time you visit a particular store or log into Amazon, then make it a point to avoid them at all costs. Take a detour from work so that you don't even have to see it. Erase Amazon from your browser history, make sure you are logged out, and make a real effort to avoid the site. Are vending machines a problem? Purposely leave your cash and coins at home. Do your friends like to eat out and go to movies or Top Golf often? Get some new broke friends. Just kidding. Maybe you could offer to make dinner and then play games or watch a movie you own. Or eat before you go out so that you're not as hungry and tempted when you get to the restaurant. I know what it's like to turn down friends, and I don't like it either, but sometimes you may just need to say "I just can't this time." They will probably understand, and this won't last long anyway.

I remember the first time an unexpected bill popped up after we became debt-free. The relief in knowing that we could just pay it and not worry about debt was liberating. Now we invest and save and still make room for some fun. Real fun.

There are so many other tricks and hacks and loop holes to reduce debt, but these are the three most important in my opinion. If you have any questions or comments or need suggestions or elaborations, please feel free to leave them in the comments sections below. I love money management because of how simple it is now that we are out of debt. You can know this feeling too; I promise.

Here's Dave Ramsey's link: https://www.daveramsey.com/specials/welcome?ectid=30.31.13180
I recommend starting with his Get Started tab at the top, then go from there.

Good luck!

Say "No" to TV

When I was in high school, I was given an assignment to enhance my experience of a book (I can't for the life of me remember which book!): give up electronics and as many "modern-day" conveniences as I could for two days. These were two great days. Instead of texting or calling my friends/boyfriend to hang out, we made plans throughout the day when we saw each other. Instead of sitting in front of the television when I got home from school, I walked over to the pond across the street and went fishing. Even today, I find that my most peaceful and productive days are those that do not involve watching television or walking around with my phone glued to my hand. Here's why I think more people should try to minimize these "modern-day" conveniences.

1. Life could be more peaceful.

My husband and I have a bad habit of turning on the tube anytime we sit on the couch together, which is often: lunch breaks, dinner, after dinner, weekends, date nights...it's not good. Some might say they like to relax with a good show or movie, and in moderation, I would concur. But how often do we lie down at night with numerous thoughts running through our minds? How often do we forget things because we simply have too many things to remember? Our minds could be less cluttered if we would allow ourselves to experience a little less noise and a little more quiet, or at least more meaningful noise, like quality conversations with friends. You have enough going through your brain without adding more plots, more words, more ADVERTISEMENTS—and let's not forget the pure junk that litters the thousands of stations available.

2. We could be more productive.

I admit that I'm lazy. While my husband is kind and sweet enough to hop up and run an errand or do a chore right this moment just because I asked him to, I have a tendency to get comfy too easily. I'm spoiled, okay? It's not my fault. Hulu has robbed me of time: time to do the dishes, time to read, time to write, time to meet up with friends, time to take the dog for a walk, time to play games, repair tattered clothing and Simon's stuffed animals. (By the way, have you watched Downward Dog yet? {Don't let me be a negative influence.}) Our sad, pathetic, nightly routine has been difficult to break, but we're slowly making progress. Maybe I'll finish Crime and Punishment sometime this year.

3. We could have more meaningful experiences.

Some of my favorite shows include I Love Lucy, Law & Order SVU, the Chicago shows, and now Downward Dog. But not one of my favorite memories involves a television (or a phone or computer, for that matter). The most memorable moments in my life include sitting around playing games with friends or family, getting outside for a game of ultimate frisbee or a campfire, laughing till I cry about stupid nothings, testing new waters, and seeking new adventures. For those of you thinking cheesy thoughts like, the first time I held my significant other's hand was in a movie theater, what was meaningful to you—the movie or the hand-holding? I rest my case.

4. Even our pets get it.

My cat, Delilah, likes to sit right up against me when I'm watching TV. She thinks it's our quality time together: she gets a good petting while gracing me with her presence. When I'm texting or surfing the web on my phone, she nudges my hand and sometimes causes me to drop it. It's like she knows I'm wasting my her time. Simon, even though he goes to the window whenever a dog barks on TV, he can't understand why we would rather sit and stare into space rather than play. And I wonder the same thing. Why wouldn't we rather play and be care-free? Are we too tired to do fun things? Are we so bogged down with life that it's more appealing to watch TV than to do something truly enjoyable, something that could lift some mental stress rather than add to it?

To sum it up, TV gets in the way. For everyone wondering why you don't have as much fun as the next person, why you don't have stories to share with your colleagues, or why you don't have more meaningful relationships, leave the remote on the table, and do something you haven't in a long time--or ever. Make it a goal to do something different at least once a week. Make note of the benefits you see when you leave your phone in the next room.

If you're OCD and upset that I stopped at four instead of rounding it off to five, consider this a small step outside your comfort zone. You're welcome.

Self-acceptance—why is it so hard?

"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend."—Proverbs 27:17

This is probably not going where you think it will.

There are times in life when someone has to point out our flaws so that we can fix them. Maybe it's a parent, a spouse, a boss, a teacher, a coach, a minister, or a friend. And hopefully these people do so gently, constructively. (Of course, there may be times when shouting "you're a loser!" is perfectly acceptable and more than reasonable; you'll have to make that judgment call yourself, though.) Other times, what we need isn't criticism at all. Sometimes we need affirmations instead.

I've been battling what others would call "personality flaws" for a long time (my own flaws, just to be clear). Old friendships have diminished or seemingly disappeared altogether. New friendships have been difficult to cultivate. Of course, my first thought (and probably most of these friends') is that I must be doing something wrong. Believe me when I state that I AM MY OWN WORST CRITIC. I am very aware of most of my flaws, and I am constantly a work in progress, or a WIP, as my husband asked me to reference. But I've learned that a quality I adore in myself can be considered a flaw in another's eyes. And it took a minister, and new friend, to point that out. As it turns out, my personality "flaws" are actually appealing to some people, just not very many.

The truth is that there are always ways to improve one's self, whether we're talking about communication, fitness, work ethic, people skills, work-life balance, hygiene, expressing emotions, or my favorite—"smiling more." Self-improvement is on-going, life-long work.

The problem that we're running into is that many qualities are labeled as "flaws," when they're really just differences in personalities. For example, I'm a very blunt person; I'll tell it like it is, honestly and without shame. I'm also a concise speaker. If you ask me a question, I'll answer it in as few words as possible. If you ask me a "what" question, I probably won't give you the "why" answer unless you ask for that as well. I'm also dry in humor and often monotone—on purpose. I'm good at responding to a stupid person comment with a sarcastic remark and a straight face. Some people don't get it; some don't like it. If they can't accept my personality, then maybe some distance is warranted. Unless these qualities are really hurting others, and unless they become inappropriate and consistently obnoxious, they are not flaws. They're just me.

So what am I supposed do? Changing myself to fit someone else's ideal is both despicable and extremely difficult. Locking myself in the house to avoid rejection and criticism is unfavorable, even for an introvert like me. Changing the way others think of me is nearly impossible. Perhaps getting back out there is the key. If one person can accept, and even enjoy, my personality as-is, then others must exist too.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."—Ralph Waldo Emerson

As it turns out, many of us complicate our own lives because we don't know how to just "be ourselves." We let our friends and family and coworkers and society in general dictate our personalities, the very qualities that, as our kindergarten teachers explain, make us unique. Sure, no one is perfect, and we all have necessary improvements to make, but just because someone doesn't like your sense of humor doesn't mean you have to change it. The next time you're criticized for being too loud at a park in the middle of the day, remind yourself that you're AT A PARK...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. When your laugh is labeled as "obnoxious," remind yourself that laughter is a wonderful thing, and don't let that Debbie-downer eliminate your precious laughter from this world full of judgment, sadness, and cruelty.

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."—credited to Oscar Wilde

I want to thank my new friend for affirming me at a time when I felt hopeless and responsible for too much. Your encouragement to simply be who I am means more to me than most other words I've heard in the last 26.5 years of my life.

If this post resonates with you, please share your thoughts in the comments section below. If you have topic ideas for future posts, I can always use content suggestions.

Thanks for reading. 

Packing light

When I started writing this post, the plan was to give a how-to on traveling with the basic necessities. I was going to find some tips online to share with you (and myself) in honor of the road trip I'm taking in the next few days. However, that has been done, re-done, and over-done. So I won't. (But I've provided some links at the bottom of this post if you're desperate for some help.)

If changing the plans scares you, hold on. We'll still cover packing light, just in a different way.

Most of us know how to have a good time. But when life gets really heavy, and I mean really heavy, having fun can be difficult. When tragedy or a deep loss occurs, enjoying life can sometimes seem like a guilty pleasure and can cause shame. Or maybe it's just hard to push those thoughts, memories, hurts, and heartaches out of mind in order to love life while it lasts. I'm in a place right now that doesn't allow me to go a day without thoughts of disappointment, without pain creeping up at unexpected moments. And, as William Paul Young explains in The Shack, "pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly."

While I wait for healing, I may not be able to fly, but I can still enjoy life if I'm willing to pack a little lighter and endure a good hike, both literally and metaphorically. My husband and I (and the dog) will set off soon for an adventure. We have packed as little as we could allow and have decided that buying necessities on the road will be simpler than packing our entire home. As for emotional baggage, 1 Peter 5:7 says to "give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." This is easier said than done, but I'll do my best. Pain or no pain, I want us all to have a good time. In addition to turning my worries over to God, I know I also need to follow these simple steps from Romans 12:12:

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Bad things have happened, and it's hard to let them go, but we need to focus on the hopes of our futures. We have to endure the bad that life brings, but we can still enjoy the good if we allow ourselves to do so.

"And I commend joy, for man has no good thing under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun."
—Ecclesiastes 8:15

Here are those links I promised:

https://www.lonelyplanet.com/travel-tips-and-articles/how-to-pack-light-tips-from-a-master-packer/40625c8c-8a11-5710-a052-1479d2766ce0

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/us-news-travel/how-to-pack-light-9-tips_b_3354703.html